I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
the day after is always just damage control
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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