You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
