I think i peed on brittanys purse
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
its liver damage thursday
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
