If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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