If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
