quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
