you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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