Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
