My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
There's always time for handjobs
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
