Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
