I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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