Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
