Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You should frame my arrest warrant.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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