Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
