The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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