i will never coherently bang her
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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