I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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