I'm going to jail i love you
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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