I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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