I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
