Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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