Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
