Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
