Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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