why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
