the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize