God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
