I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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