Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
