i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
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