did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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