My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
