I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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