so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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