When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
