her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
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