I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
