Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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