Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
