um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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