i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
