FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
