How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
