Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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