i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Farmville is her only friend.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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