those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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