Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
