Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
