its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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