That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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