Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
