I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I think I just shit out all my problems.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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