Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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