at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
