I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
