mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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