Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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