I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
