Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Actions speak louder than pants.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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