i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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