So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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