are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
