he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize