3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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