Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
