Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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