Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
