I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
