foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
why is half of my head shaved?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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