So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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