You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
