I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
