the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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